Monday, August 21

New look, new post

I had ~15 minutes at work today to change the look of the blog... So here's a quick update to go with it.

I'm still knitting on:

the fibertrend bunnies, and bought the squirrels when I got to the Llama store, my local yarn store, for the first time in several weeks.

Secret Pal stuff

I got my final SP box out today -- I had it packed since Saturday, but I got a speeding ticket on my way to the PO, and so was unable to mail it then. My sister-in-law mailed it for me today, actually. Since she doesn't know who I am, I'll give y'all a preview of what's in the box. A pair of lighted knitting needles, a Fibertrends pattern for some cute bears (who doesn't like bears) along with the yarn that I thought screamed "bear", a skein of hand-dyed yarn (one of the 8 ouncers) in pink and purple, a set of chainmail stitch markers (made with niobium and real gold links), and... well, other cute stuff. :D

This summer's been probably the busiest and most chaotic I've had in all my years. I've been working long hours at work, long hours at home, and long hours in between. My knitting time has been cut into tiny pieces.

Knitters with(out) Altitude

And one of the big reasons I've not blogged in the past 2 weeks (other than time constraints)... my knitgroup self-destructed.

There was a brouhaha about a few people who thought that spinning was dominating discussion. These people couldn't bear to bring it up at group, or in email, or thought that their voices weren't being heard. We got emails from the founder, who hadn't shown up or been on the list for months (because of surgery and work), decreeing from above that "this is a list/group about knitting and you will talk only about knitting, and you will meet here on these days and like it". It was weird, but most of us were willing to work with it. A splinter group formed for those who wanted to continue to talk about other fiber-related topics that weren't knitting. Since I spin and weave and dye, I joined the 2nd group as well.

There was a big discussion of "why would you join a knit group and not talk about knitting?!" to which the other side said "because we always talk about other things, now you're making those of us who spin feel alienated". The whole argument upset me because we talked about a lot of things that weren't knitting related, like TV, hunky guys, local goings-on, food, books, clothes, shoes, etc. I know some of us didn't care about TV, others didn't really want to hear about Crocs, etc. But we all seemed to have gotten along, and there was always someone else to talk to if you didn't want to talk about shoes, or spinning, or [some actor] without his shirt on. Non-knitting related stuff, you know. That night (the night before we were to meet), *poof* the mailing list for our group disappeared. It left those of us who met at the prescribed place & time confused and upset.

Speaking for myself, and only myself, I found that if I waited 5 minutes, the conversation would change to something I was interested in (even if it wasn't knitting), so if there was some conversation about whatever, I'd concentrate on my knitting, knit a few rows, and come back to the conversation when it changed. I never felt "left out" or "pressured" to talk about or do anything, go anywhere, etc. which was the big complaint that we had constantly before the kablooie. "I feel like I'm pressured to go to all the bonus meets", "I feel left out when you talk about X", etc. As adults, all of us (and all of us well over the age of majority), I'd have thought that we'd have been able to work this out reasonably without the temper-tantrum of deleting the entire group.

Most of us have re-formed, both through the "splinter" group set up before the big delete, and through the other group formed the day after. I get to see most of my fiber friends, but the "disgruntled others" haven't talked to me since the big kablooie. It makes me sad, because I thought we were all adults, and all friends.

This post will probably not make me very popular, and will probably garner me a "well, it was MY group, and I could delete it if I wanted" from the deleter or deleters either in comments or private email, but I don't think the person or persons who deleted the group understood that it was OUR group, every one of us. It was a community, and was democratic in all things. It was the group of everyone who belonged to it. Now, it's gone. Destroyed because someone's feelings were hurt, and they had the power to do so. I know that some people are meeting separate from the others, and that kinda hurts, again because I thought we were friends, and I thought we were adult enough to work out our differences.

I think I've rambled on enough. I've finally (after 2 weeks of silence about this publicly) gotten my opinion out, and finally had the time to post. I don't think this is what the SP "Yarn Yenta" thought would come out of her prodding me to post, but frankly, I don't care. It's my blog. I'll say what I want.

Pictures of weaving progress when I get to it. Pictures of felted bunnies when I'm done. Pictures of monkeys dancing the hula on my TV and my needle-felted monkey when I have time.


Kathy said...

Christy - I'm not going to go into detail and refute all your accusations; it's just not worth it.

I will say: those of us who are not in the two new groups are not 'disgruntled'. We've just chosen another path.

For what it's worth: my problem was not with you. However, this seems to have spiraled into a "your group" versus "us" debate and that makes me sad.

It didn't have to be this way.

MJ said...

I miss you too Christy, and I miss your yarn :(

But it is not worth the drama. Alot of things were said that were very hateful from people I thought were my friends.

Lisa said...

Well said, as usual Christy.

Crazy Colorado Knitter said...

No, you're interpreting it as an 'us against them' thing. It was never that way. There is no 'my group' versus 'their group' versus anything else.

I thought you were all my friends. Not some, not one or two, but all.

The only nastiness I've seen is... you know, I've not seen any of it. If it came via private email, I'm not privy to any of it. No one will admit to it of those who meet now.

All I want to do is get together with a group of people on Saturday morning and knit, or not, and chat with friends.

That's what I had. And it was all changed because someone got their knickers in a knot, did a childish thing, and people who want to meet are meeting, talking about the same things, kids, shoes, cars, husbands, boyfriends, knitting, some spinning, some fiber lust, some color, some tv. It's all the same.

Except that there are people missing. People I like, people I care about, and people who seem to not care about the damage they caused.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, as neither Kathy nor MJ will come back to read it, and they obviously don't understand what I'm saying.

IT'S NOT US AGAINST THEM. Not in my mind.

I never made a "THEM". I never was one to feel left out because someone wanted to talk about X subject or Y subject, or wanted to meet on Sunday afternoon to knit.

I feel left out now, because people I thought were friends don't want to be a part of my life. Don't even want to try. Because if they did, they would be. And they wouldn't have broken one of the few things that I cherished.

Brie said...

I love the new look!

"Except that there are people missing. People I like, people I care about, and people who seem to not care about the damage they caused." Well said. It's about how I feel right now.

(Did you get my email?)

Heatherly said...

lol! i am sooo happy you blogged! looks like you had a lot of pent up aggrivations to vent on. our knitting group is dying. we need to meet outside our LYS. cuz you cant talk about anything they do not carry there. blahblah... hope you find a way to find encouragement and friendship while knitting.

Anonymous said...

I hope you find happiness in your new groups. This kind of thing happens a lot in parenting groups, unfortunately, so I've been through a few already. Keep your chin up. There should be a package coming your way by the end of the week.

Your SP

MJ said...

I'm sorry, but I cannot come back and sit next to someone who said those awful things (about me and my friends) and pretend that it did not happen.

Kathy said...

"No one will admit to it of those who meet now."

That is exactly the issue for me. I was shocked (and I'm tough to shock) and some of the vile filth that came into my email box. This is from people that, on Saturday mornings, act like everything is fine and dandy.

I don't live my life that way. If someone is that two-faced, I cut them out of my life. Life is too short to spend with people who feel that way.

Again, Christy, none of this relates to you. However, since these people are in your knitting group, I will not attend. To do so would be a betrayal of myself and all that I believe.

"people who want to meet are meeting"

Yes, they are. I am meeting with people I trust. People I know I can count on and people I know aren't stabbing me in the back the second I turn my head.

"people who seem to not care about the damage they caused."

I'm not sure what damage I have caused. I have not ripped someone else apart in an email. I have not pretended to be someone's friend, only to reveal my true feelings when all this went down.

I do not have a problem with the majority of the folks in your group. A couple of them have contacted me and I hope we stay friends.

However, in light of what I've been told, I can only imagine what's been said about me.

It's best to stay away and avoid the drama.

Anne said...

"Except that there are people missing. People I like, people I care about, and people who seem to not care about the damage they caused."

Worth repeating even though Brie already repeated it once.

This is the the thing that makes me the most sad as well.

I know the group of three that won't associate with us any more is convinced we sit around and bad mouth them all day... but it just ain't so. I think we all miss them and would welcome them back in a heartbeat.

But it does make me wonder what they are saying about us.... and given how we've been totally ignored (except for you Christy) it makes it clear we are neither welcome nor missed.

Very very sad.

Maus said...

hmm, I still don't "get it" and hope I didn't say anything to upset anybody or such, but then I have not been there so often at the meetings, so I still have no idea really what went down and where...

Anne said...
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